I was looking deeper at some things that I did not understand in my life that started to fall into place now. Some of these was why the other side has pointed me to study to be a nurse after I studied so many things and I was in different leadership positions, doing my doctoral education, developing organisations…
I started to understand and remember old memories of suffering and also of compassion with patients in past lives as I read through the books… All of a sudden, a lot of emotions came up and I started to see before me how I have been my whole life. The caring, the understanding, the compassionate, the supportive… All of which I have tried to push down in myself because I thought that revealing these features would lead me to be vulnerable.
And within myself I have always been very vulnerable. Although I have taken on leadership positions, started different projects, engaged a lot of people towards a goal, guided a lot of people over the last decade, I realized that I have always been very sensitive.
Being very sensitive has been a good thing because I could sense people’s challenges, talents, growing areas and even dis-eases before they would be reproduced in the physical body, but I also felt all emotions in greater depth than most people. That made me feel that it was sometimes overwhelming, especially because I could also communicate with the Spirit world and feel all strong emotions thrown at my energy field from deceased ones.
I happened to ask myself why I had to go through other people’s pain so deep and really experience all this. I asked myself why I was born with these capacities that were sometimes very positive because they could guide people and make decisions that were far better than any other model or evidence-based stuff… but on the other side, it could come to a point that after I worked a couple of hours, I would need to really go out in the woods and be alone.
I started to raise my consulting fees and the investment to my courses, because I realized that it would take me sometimes more time to cool my system down after I helped people. So I had to learn to deal with all this sensitivity to live a “normal” life.
I was born in a family where my parents had a lot of conflicts with each other and then loved one another. I heard a lot of screams. But I don’t believe that that was the cause of my sensitivity. I am going to tell you why. I have been singing, writing and painting since I was very little. I had these artistic tendencies since very early, and I had a deep understanding about human life already since I was very young. All of this made me understand later that, although I was in a young body, my soul was much older than that.
I understood that my soul has already lived here on this planet many times and i was kind of tired this time of experiencing again all this drama I found around me. So I noticed that all this sensitivity came from a lot of gathered experiences on this planet, that entailed me really learning a lot about human emotions and going through a lot of trauma and suffering.
Because I have lived so many times here, I had a lot of unresolved trauma and suffering experiences from past lives that awarded me a lot of wisdom. And seeing the people around me suffer had me myself forgive myself for the choices that i did in past life times because I did not know better. So every time I saw someone suffering, I started to understand that I did not have to be guilty or ashamed anymore and willing to help. Because I understood that everything had to do with self-forgiveness. Forgiving myself for having made choices in the past that were not supportive but it was part of the learning to be human. And I came to understand that I could develop a higher level of compassion with the people around me.
Perhaps this is one of the reasons why I have to access my mediumship again in this life time. It is like opening worlds because the healing that happens in my life are not healing and learning from experiences I have before me. I know that I had to open my intuition to embrace wisdom and information from other times and spaces, to come to understand that events and situations are all connected to previous memories from other life times where I suffered, gathered wisdom, experienced trauma and sometimes had unresolved lessons that came on and on during this life time.
So I decided to go journal almost every day and meditate over experiences from the day and from beyond. This is the only way to move forward instead of staying in the same lessons again and again… And some people may stay on this during many centuries. How boring. Meeting the same people in different bodies, experiencing the same karmic patterns, suffering the same way and still not understanding what all of this is about. And I know that this is difficult when your intuition is not fully turned on so that you can access information beyond this life time.
Traumas and suffering may create layers of heavy energies around your field and stop you from seeing yourself, creating different physical imbalances and activating the fight and flight system, often leading to burnout, PTSD or other syndroms. That is how fear is triggered. So fear has to do with errors in your energy, I would say.
When you understand that you no longer need to suffer. You no longer need to dwell on the same things, then things start to change. But for some I have met, their souls keep on playing the same tone again and again, not even knowing that there are other tones you can try.
I understood then that because I can sense so deeply other people’s emotions, thoughts and feelings, and developed this ability over the course of many life times, my energy field was very light, transparent. I started to understand why many artists are usually motivated by a lot of heart-breaks and painful experiences. And that sometimes the soul wants to suffer just to understand that it can overcome it and learn something new.
So I look back at the healing journey, and I see that fear is gone. I trust even more and surrender even more to the power that created me and allow it to guide me and I start to figure out a new way of living with balance and sensitivity. I started to realise my own power, and reclaim it from times and spaces. Every moment, a new energy would come back and surround me with greater clarity of who I am. Then I would love myself even more and be grateful for being able to embody my soul light at the present moment, more whole, perfect, beautiful and be free. That was the moment I started to be free. I realized that anything else than love is not true.
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